Rupert Pupkin Speaks: "Bad" Movies We Love Guest Post: Allan Mott ""

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

"Bad" Movies We Love Guest Post: Allan Mott



My first guest post is from Mr. Allan Mott.

"Allan Mott was once accused of being a narcissistic goth lesbian by a disgruntled Amazon reviewer. That pretty much sums up his writing career (which includes 12 and 1/2 books and contributions to such sites as XOJane, Canuxploitation, Bookgasm and Flick Attack). His most personal writing can be found at VanityFear.com, where he uses the subject of B-Movies to mostly talk about boobs and stuff. "

Bad Movies We Love – Allan Mott

While hardly definitive, this list is a very good representation of the kind of “good” bad movies that rock my world. See if you can notice any patterns!



A plucky young folk singing duo from Moosejaw find their world turned upside down when he chooses artistic integrity and she opts to sell her soul for superstardom. With cheesy songs, laughable production design (representing the strange future of 1994), dirty hippies, the devilish Mr. Boogalow and an ending straight out of classical Greek theatre, The Apple is definitely my idea of a transcendent cinema experience.



Starring the immortal Caroline Munro as Stella Star, this oft-hilarious Italian Star Wars rip-off plays more like a Steve Reeves’ movie than a traditional space opera. It will always live in my heart as the first bad film I kept watching just because I wanted to see what the female lead was going to be wearing in the next scene (I was 10 at the time).



Not to be confused with the original North America TV movie, Kiss Meets the Phantom of the Park, this is the theatrical version that played in European movie theaters. Shorter and much better edited (Ace’s infamous black stand-in is nowhere to be found this time around), this version is still hilariously cheap and ridiculous, but the inclusion of actual Kiss songs (albeit from their flop solo albums….) makes it feel enough like an actual movie to bring a smile to your face.


In this sequel to the teen-prostitution exploitation classic, Angel, 80s B-Movie icon Betsy Russell takes on the role of a former hooker turned law student who returns to the “mean” streets to get revenge for the death of the cop who saved her from “the life”. Despite the requisite dollops of sex and violence, Avenging Angel often plays more like a movie from the 1940s, featuring broad screwball comedy and a hilarious climax in which the life of an innocent baby hangs in the balance.



Don’t you know it’s the latest craze? Having a party in your PJs! So sings Annette Funicello in my favorite of the early 60s AIP teen comedies. In it she plays a girl with large breasts who attracts the attention of a Martian named Go-Go (fellow Disney alum Tommy Kirk), there to scout for the upcoming planetary invasion. As cartoonish as all of the previous entries, Pajama Party rises above the pack thanks to a genuinely hilarious performance by silent legend Buster Keaton and the supernatural gyrations of gorgeous Susan Hart.



I’m a weird asshole who hates the original The Exorcist, which probably explains why I love its loathed sequel as much as I do. Hypnotically absurd, it’s everything William Friedkin’s horror “masterpiece” isn’t—which in my case that means it’s a lot more fun.



Busty French Sondra Locke lookalike, Annik Borel, plays Daniela, a former (and future) rape victim whose fascination with a lycanthropic ancestor compels her to murder a bunch of folks while in a psychotic lupine state. Mere words cannot begin to describe the wonderful insanity of this only-from-Europe trash-cinema concoction—you’re gonna have to see it for yourself.



Greatest ending in movie history. Yeah, I said it.



Only Alan Carr could have produced this expensive disco disaster that foolishly attempted to turn The Village People into hetero movie stars just when people stopped buying their records. Add in Bruce Jenner in his only starring role, a young Steve Guttenberg and the wonderful presence of Valerie Perrine (who still manages to show off her famous breasts in a PG musical where she’s surrounded by a bunch of gay dudes) and you can understand why I’ve seen it more times than Citizen Kane.



This Canon-produced film was the last entry in a trilogy no one asked for, but it makes the list thanks to its being the rare film that combines unbelievably hot naked babes, slumming has-beens (such as Phil Silvers and Adam West), and a few well- earned laughs. Somehow it works.

2 comments:

Robert M. Lindsey said...

I saw Avenging Angel in the theater, but the people I went with walked out, so I went with them. I wanted to stay because Betsy Russel has the best legs I've ever seen on film.
RetroHound.com

Aaron said...

Great list! I'm intrigued by THE APPLE, which I've never heard of before reading this post. Afraid I can't get behind you as far as AVENGING ANGEL, but I wholeheartedly support your endorsement of WEREWOLF WOMAN!