Doug Tilley is a frequent contributor to DailyGrindhouse.com,
co-host of the No-Budget Nightmares podcast(www.drunkonvhs.podomatic.com), and a burly, bearded
Canadian. He loves kung-fu movies, ultra low-budget shot-on-video
nonsense and long walks on (deserted) beaches. He spends most of his
time battling ennui by detailing the minutia of his day-to-day life on Twitter(@doug_tilley).
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These kinds of lists are always difficult for me to write,
and - in fact - I've pretty much ignored the listed topic entirely. The
sorts of movies I write about are of the ultra low-budget variety, so
the likelihood of them being terrible is already quite high; but I have
no interest in going into watching a film with a great deal of cynicism.
For me, if a film is entertaining on any level - then it's already
accomplishing something that most can't. So, here's my tribute to some
films that are not strictly good, but that I still get a lot of
enjoyment - or at least fascination - out of.
The Adventures of Bullwhip Griffin (1967)
I
can't really explain my fascination with THE ADVENTURES OF BULLWHIP
GRIFFIN, an entirely forgettable Disney family picture from the late
1960s directed by James Neilson, who also helmed the atmospheric Doctor
Syn adaptation THE SCARECROW OF ROMNEY MARSH. There's nearly nothing to
distinguish BULLWHIP from any of the dozens of other films being
produced by Disney at the time, but still.. There's something about the
wild west setting and Roddy McDowall's stiff-upper-lip performance that I
found enchanting as a kid. And I still do. It's not strictly "bad", but
it's certainly forgettable.
Honeymoon in Vegas (1992)
Now,
I think in 2012 the general consensus on HONEYMOON IN VEGAS has shifted
towards the positive, and it's certainly not strictly a bad movie. It's
just entirely different than the sorts of movies I usually enjoy,
thanks to the truly bizarre tone set by Andrew Bergman's script and,
especially, the completely unhinged Nicholas Cage performance. Yes,
strange Cage performances are a dime a dozen, but it was the first time
that I remember seeing an actor intentionally subverting his own role,
and a director just letting him run with it. The supporting cast is
great, too. Peter Boyle, Pat Morita, Seymour Cassel and especially James
Caan; but Cage plays every moment as if he's entirely fueled by rage
and frustration - in a romantic comedy!
Tintorera: Killer Shark (1978)
I
experienced TINTORERA on 35mm at the first SHOCK & AWE all-night
Grindhouse marathon in Toronto, and it wasn't quite love at first sight.
I was hopped up (literally and figuratively) on cold medicine, and the
3AM showing was accompanied by noise-makers being distributed to the
crowd for them to "scare" the shark whenever it appeared on-screen. My
memories are of a hyperactive mix of (real) fish death and group sex,
which a second viewing confirmed to be actual elements of this
fantastically misguided JAWS rip-off. Hugo Stiglitz (yes, that guy)
stars, with René Cardona Jr. - who had quite a run in the late 70s -
directing, and there are so many strange sub-plots and tangents that
it's difficult to ascertain who the movie was made for. There are many
versions out there, but try and seek out the full 126(!!!) minute
version for maximum insanity.
Hip Hop Locos (2001)
Here's
a surprise. Regular listeners of the NO-BUDGET NIGHTMARES podcast will
know HIP HOP LOCOS as the movie which all terrible movies are compared
against. I hesitate to use the word "unwatchable", because there are
certain people who see that as a challenge, but it's such a wrongheaded,
terrible viewing experience that it eventually transcends being bad
entirely - your brain simply won't believe what it's seeing. "Love" is a
difficult word to use to describe it, but in terms of knowing the
depths to which no-budget film-making can sink - this is a great
measuring point.
Pulgasari (1985)
North Korean kaiju
movie. Or, at least whatever the North Korean equivalent of kaiju is.
Fiercely political, and - notably - directed by kidnapped South Korean
director Shin Sang-ok, it's quite a poor, often tedious film to watch.
But the scope is magnificent, with the influence of the "great leader"
leading to thousands of on-screen extras, and the monster being
gleefully silly looking. It's all a fairly transparent rallying cry
against capitalism, but when else are you going to see such a thing
wrapped up in a big, dumb monster movie?
Redneck County Fever (199X)
Here's
another one from the No-Budget file, but with a twist. A film that
barely exists - with no IMDB page, no credits, and apparently stuck in
some sort of time vortex. Two (Texas-based) surfer dudes are coming home
from college for Thanksgiving break, but have a series of comedic
adventures after breaking down in REDNECK COUNTY. Apparently lensed in
the early 90s - the zubaz pants are a dead giveaway - it's braindead,
goofy, and alternately entertaining and confusing. But it holds a
special fascination for me, since a group of people obviously cared
enough at some point to devote weeks of their lives to making it.
The Guy From Harlem (1977)
I
wish I could get across just how awesome the theme song to THE GUY FROM
HARLEM truly is. Beyond that bit of funky gold, there's still plenty to
enjoy in Rene Martinez Jr.'s late-era blaxploitation film as long as
you like retina burning decor and action scenes featuring characters
hurling themselves awkwardly at one another. The truly awful
performances are a beautiful thing to behold, while the weirdly episodic
plot jumps around almost as much as Loye Hawkins as P.I. Al Connors. I
can only hope we'll someday see THE GUY FROM HARLEM 2!
Contamination (1980)
Italian rip-offs of
American movies were an accepted part of 70s and 80s film-making, but
making a killer sea-creature copycat of JAWS was simple compared to
re-creating the blockbuster special effects in STAR WARS and ALIEN. But
don't tell that to Luigi Cozzi, who followed his unforgettably weird
STAR CRASH with CONTAMINATION, which replaces ALIEN's expert pacing,
character development and special effects with GLORIOUS GORE and
FANCIFUL NUDITY. It has a great Goblin score, and they even throw in a
James Bond-ian climax for some reason, but this is truly poor
film-making and I absolutely love it. There's a scene with a rat that
had the teenage version of me practically jumping for joy.
Fantasy Mission Force (1983)
JACKIE
CHAN in FANTASY MISSION FORCE. Well, not really. Jackie only shows up
for about five minutes (as a favor), while the real star is notorious
dickhead Jimmy Wang-Yu and the fucking INSANE plot which involves
Wang-Yu trying to rescue Allied Generals from a Japanese-run Military
camp (which is apparently somewhere in Canada). There are cannibals,
hopping vampires, NAZIS, and lots of really strange comedy - but if you
give yourself over to the randomness it's a sublime acid-trip of a
movie.
Dolemite (1975)
Yeah, we all know DOLEMITE,
but how could I not include my favorite bad movie ever? And - let's not
mince words - it's a terribly made movie. But it's also definite proof
that you don't need quality production values or even passable acting to
make an endlessly entertaining and quotable film. You just need a
charismatic lead and TONS of quotable dialogue. Rudy Ray Moore carries
the whole thing on his back, while the continuity errors, errant boom
mics, hilarious foul-mouthed dialogue and lengthy "rap" breaks just add
to the threadbare charm. Moore realized the joke by the time he made THE
HUMAN TORNADO - which is entertaining in its own right - but DOLEMITE
is the great because of how serious it (sometimes) wants us to take it.
7 comments:
Doug's my boy showing props for the beloved TINTORERA! It's interesting that this film seems to have a heart for those in Southern Ontario. Go figure.
Good to see HONEYMOON IN VEGAS made the list. I've always wondered why people thought it was a good film, but then again, it's Casablanca compared to "Get Over It" with Kirstin Dunst and Sisqo.
Why hasn't the mayor of Peterborough named a Douglas Tilley day yet?????
That poster for Bullwhip Griffin is incredible! They don't make 'em like that anymore!
Great list, homes! I've never actually seen all of Hip Hop Locos, homes. But one time we did watch 30 minutes of it, homes, and used a watch and a tally-sheet, homes, to tally the number of times the character said "homes." Then we took that number, homes, and calculated the "homes per minute." If I recall correctly, it was about 25 homes per minute... homes.
Can someone make a spreadsheet that lists the true number of "homes" and "esse"'s in HIP HOP LOCOS? I'd do it, but I've already watched the movie THREE TIMES and any more would inevitably lead to murder-suicide.
I'm sold on the title Hip Hop Locos. And high five for The Guy From Harlem! (spoiler alert: it's on my list too). Such an odd bad movie that just seems determined to not actually be a movie. Be still my heart.
OH NO! A SPOILER!
I sometimes toss on THE GUY FROM HARLEM just for the awesome opening theme song.
Yeah, "The Guy From Harlem"...where are the words? The worst production value I've ever seen in a feature-length motion picture. Was every scene shot from a tripod with no zoom, or movement for that matter? You got it right regarding the "fight" scenes. It must be seen to be believed, and it's easy to see, too; It's in the public domain. No one wants to own that flick!
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