Rupert Pupkin Speaks: "Bad" Movies We Love Guest Post: Bad Movie Fiends Podcast ""

Monday, July 23, 2012

"Bad" Movies We Love Guest Post: Bad Movie Fiends Podcast


Each week on the Bad Movie Fiends podcast (BMFcast for short), we(Harlo, Maki, BJ & Chuck) select a B-movie from the past, watch it, and then discuss it in podcast form. The BMFcasters seek out movies unloved and/or dismissed by the masses, hoping to find something charming, endearing, and with lots of explosions. Boobs are also preferable. New episodes are available every Friday at www.bmfcast.com.


We’ve presented our list in alphabetical order. don’t ask us to choose the favorite of our children. We can’t. Well, actually, don’t ask us to choose the second-favorite of our children, since the only one we’d rank above the others is Robot Jox, the basis for our “good bad” movie rating. Everything on this list got a unanimous 5 out of 5 Jox from our esteemed panel of bad movie watching hosts. 

 


Arena (1989)
Did you ever watch Rocky and wonder, “what if they set that in space?” Did you also ask, “What if a guy that looks like a blonde Christopher Reeve (Paul Satterfield) was Rocky?” After that, maybe you said, “What if the bad guy aliens were cheating by being on space steroids?” Then you thought about his training montage and wondered, “What if he sparred with a talking alligator?” Hopefully you asked all these questions, and the answer you received was Arena




Deathstalker (1983)
After the success of Conan The Barbarian, a deluge of sword & sorcery knockoffs was to be expected. In the Roger Corman produced Deathstalker, the titular character (Rick Hill) only really seemed to understand the “raping and pillaging” part of the equation that made Conan popular. In his quest to win a tournament and defeat the evil Munkar (Bernard Erhard, with amazing bald-head-tattoos) while saving the fair Princess Codille (Barbi Benton), Deathstalker kills pretty much everyone that messes with him and forces himself on every woman he encounters. This includes fellow warrior Kaira (Lana Clarkson, in her first of many Corman roles), clad only in bikini bottoms and a cloak that appears to fasten only to her breasts. Unintentionally hilarious in just about every possible way, the entertainment value comes from mocking it, though that doesn’t make it any less enjoyable to watch with a like-minded group.



Hard Ticket To Hawaii (1987)
If you have to pick just one of the twelve (!) movies in Andy Sidaris’ L.E.T.H.A.L. Ladies series, this is the one. Take everything a 13-year-old dude ever prayed was in a movie he was watching on HBO after his parents went to bed, and it’s in here. Boobs? Check. Guns? Check. Rocket launchers? Check. Boobs? Check. Deadly razor-blade frisbee? Check. High-rise defenestration? Check. Boobs? Check. Mutated cancer snake? Check. Boo... Never mind, you get the point. While the tone of the movie is utterly tongue-in-cheek, everyone on screen pretty much plays it straight, to amazing results. Andy Sidaris is a national treasure and the best way to appreciate him is by watching this movie. 



I Come In Peace AKA Dark Angel (1990)
Loose cannon cop Dolph Lundgren is hunting down an alien drug dealer in Houston with his by-the-book new partner, played by Dream On’s Brian Benben. Directed by Craig R. Baxley (of Action Jackson and Stone Cold fame) with at least one script pass by a pre-Jurassic Park David Koepp, there’s a lot of talent at work here. It shows in some terrific shootouts, detective work, and the mismatched partners spouting one-liners. Even side characters make an impression, from Dolph’s coroner girlfriend who seems to have some dark stuff lurking in her relationship past to the tweaked out scientist who analyzes alien weaponry for them. And, of course, the gigantic white-haired alien drug dealer played by Matthias Hues is perfectly creepy and intimidating, especially in a third-act car stunt that’s one of our favorites.



Invasion USA (1985)
Say what you will about Chuck Norris, but damn, did he make some irony-free movies that you just can’t make anymore. (Actually, you could say that about almost all of Cannon’s output in the ‘80s.) Predictably from the title (and amazing poster art), Chuck is the only one-man-army that can save the United States from a commie invasion. How does he do it? By somehow developing Spider-man’s sense for danger and always appearing exactly where those filthy commies are planning to terrorize us god-fearing ‘mericans. Richard Lynch is Rostov, the main bad guy, who literally has nightmares of Chuck stalking him (and thus a meme is born.) Lynch is particularly good in this, getting a terrific early kill involving drug paraphernalia and meeting his own grisly demise by Chuck’s hand at the end.



The Marine (2006)
Sometimes, you just want a cheeseburger. You don't even want a particularly good cheeseburger. You want a greasy, nasty one that your stomach will pay for later. The Marine is that cheeseburger. It's formulaic, predictable and dumb, but it wears those traits in all the best ways. John Cena has the charisma of a tree stump, but he's only supposed to look good running through swamps, punching dudes, firing machine guns and jumping out of exploding buildings. And we cannot stress enough how much the buildings explode in this movie. The budget in explosives and gasoline is among the highest you’re likely to see in any movie. On top of this you have Robert Patrick selling the hell out of his bad guy role. It's cheesy and glorious and well worth watching, provided you know exactly what you're getting into. When ‘80s action fans say, “they don’t make ‘em like that anymore...” we respond that “actually, they kinda do.” Also: the strangest and best story about rock candy you'll ever hear.



Order of the Black Eagle (1987)
In this sequel to Unmasking The Idol, (a great Bond spoof in its own right), superspy Duncan Jax teams up with a group of South American mercenaries in order to take down a Nazi cult with plans to resurrect a cryogenically frozen Adolf Hitler. It’s got guns, grenades, explosions, babes, one-liners, Nazis, and dozens & dozens of stuntmen apparently willing to die for their craft. And did we mention Jax’s sidekick is a baboon who also drives a mini-tank? Yeah, there’s that. It also contains the most painful use of a sandbag on a stuntman we’ve ever seen. It’s utterly insane in all the ways that make us happy.



The Punisher (1989)
A disjointed but insanely violent actioner from an era when comic book movies weren't a big deal. Thus no one cared about Dolph Lundgren playing Frank Castle murdering mobsters, SCUBA ninjas, the yakuza, and slot machines galore. Thousands of rounds are discharged in one of the longest, most hilarious scenes of gun destruction ever committed to film. While the plot and acting leave much to be desired, the violence is the selling point, and man, do people get punished. Louis Gossett Jr. is along for the ride to be bald, angry and to gleefully eat pizza.



Robot Jox (1990)
A fantastic time capsule released just after the end of the cold war era, Robot Jox is the shining example of a good "bad" movie. Great stop-motion animation and miniature sets combined with memorable characters and great set pieces make for a movie that is pure fun, while still maintaining the satire and social commentary that lie just beneath the surface. Stuart Gordon is an underrated gem of a director (genre guy or not, the man has always had chops), and the deft way he juggles all these elements and stages the epic third act battle between Achilles and Alexander is a joy to watch unfold. Sure, the effects look dated and the cold war paranoia doesn't hit as hard as it would have in the late '80s, but this movie is still loads of fun. There's a reason it's the basis for the BMFcast's positive rating system. ROBOT JOX!



Slaughter (1972)
The first entry in the BMFcast's Blaxploitation History Month was a huge success. Less a character and more an angry force of nature, Jim Brown intimidates and beats his way through this blaxploitation romp. Lots of fun fight and chase scenes, a funky soundtrack, an oily Rip Torn villain in full racist mode and ludicrous action punctuated by an amazing stunt entrance late in the movie makes this an easy recommendation. Are there better Blaxploitation movies? Of course! But do any of them have their protagonist threatening to violate people’s butts as often? Well, actually, there probably are, but that doesn’t make Slaughter any less enjoyable. And we guarantee their theme song isn’t as good.


Honorable Mentions!
These didn’t get 5-Jox ratings across the board but are still well worth your time.

Action USA (1989) - This is what happens when everyone involved in a movie, on every single level (probably including catering), is a stuntman or former stuntman.

Bulletproof (1988) - Gary Busey is a one-man army sent to stop a terrorist plot. He also plays smoky saxophone in his own sex scene.

Dragon Wars: D-War (2007) - THIS MOVIE HAS DINOSAURS ARMED WITH MISSILE LAUNCHERS.

Omega Cop (1990) - Post-apocalyptic cop Ron Marchini kicks perps in the crotch and Adam West gets married using the pin of a grenade as the ring. Yup, it’s that type of movie.

Riki-Oh: Story of Ricky (1991) - Ricky reforms a prison from the inside out by pretty much killing everyone in super-violent ways.

Truck Turner (1974) - Isaac Hayes is a skip tracer fighting vengeful pimps, including Yaphet Kotto and Nichelle Nichols. Amazing funeral scene.

4 comments:

SteveQ said...

If you want breasts and explosions, it's hard to beat "Hard Ticket to Hawaii" isn't it? Deathstalker II, directed by Jim Wynorski (and budgeted by pocket change) is more entertaining than the original, I think.

Maki said...

We picked up the Roger Corman Sword & Sorcery collection that has Deathstalker II (along with Barbarian Queen) so those will definitely be watched soon!

Rupert Pupkin said...

I really need to dig into my Sidaris collection and watch HARD TICKET. ridiculous I haven't seen. Big fan of Wynorski and his DEATHSTALKER film! Have that SHoutfactory set!

Maki said...

We actually decided to watch Deathstalker II for this Friday's episode, so you'll get our thoughts on it sooner, rather than later!