Rupert Pupkin Speaks: "Bad" Movies We Love Guest Post: Brad Henderson ""

Monday, July 16, 2012

"Bad" Movies We Love Guest Post: Brad Henderson

Brad Henderson is a VHS collector and he makes a great case for all of us continuing to do so in his list below. Follow him on twitter @bradfhenderson.

 

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Top 20 Awesomely Bad Movies

What is a bad movie? Twilight? Clash Of The Titans? How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days? All these films get a bad wrap but I wouldn't consider them bad. I would simply say "I do not like these films at all." A bad movie is something that you can not sit still through, no shape or form. Something so boring that you are restless and makes you sweat. Think about these things...not even Battlefield Earth is like that...ok, maybe Battlefield Earth is like that a little bit. There are not too many films that could do that to a person, the film might be boring but is it dreadful? How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days is bad but was I aching for it be over and couldn't wait to get out of the theatre? (insert laugh here) No, I say that, but in reality that isn't the case at all. I simply disliked the film. The films that you are about to see below are films that bombed, are considered terrible, or films that no one watched...at all. Just because it has a low rating on IMDb or even a high rating, doesn't mean the film is good nor bad. You, as a viewer, have the right to judge that for yourself. These films are treasures and I pray every single day that these beautiful pieces of art will not be forgotten. The people that made these films more than likely put their heart and soul into these projects. The outcome might have been expected or they thought they would be the next big thing. I'm not sure. I do know that these films are the purest form of entertainment, and more entertaining than any other "big budget" film out there. I'm not going to sit here and try to justify any of these films at all but I do plead that you go in with an open mind and  watch them as they were intended. To entertain you. Just because it doesn't have Tom Cruise or the next big star doesn't mean you have to pass it up at the video store or Netflix. Just because your "movie" friends talk about it at work doesn't mean that those are the only films there that you have to watch. Do me a favor, go out, venture and pick a film that you have never heard of. Go on Netflix and pick something that has 1 star. Experiment. Quit being a robot. I'm not saying just watch these film on this blog and only these films that you should watch. These films listed below are simply "Gateway Films". I live for film and I love watching films that NO ONE has ever said a word about. Yes, I do watch what people tell me too but I watch a lot of films on my own that I have discovered. More films like these "bad" movies need to be brought to our attention and need to be seen. So, what is a "bad" movie? A film that might be shunned by the general public but it is monumental explosion for our eyes. A film that we tell our geek friends to watch and they spread the word because they think it is as great as you did. A film that has so many great moments that put a smile on your face. That is a "bad" movie. Or...a "great" movie.

 
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I can quote this film to no end and I at least quote it once a day. "Do you guys serve beer in here, or just milk?" The film is wacky, silly, stupid, and doesn't make any sense at all. Lady Terminator just reenacts shots from Terminator and has eel fucking, if that doesn't turn you on I don't know what else would. I've hosted a Movie Night for my friends for the past 3 years or so, and I had an Awesomely Bad Movie Night theme one night. I screened Neon Maniacs and Lady Terminator. Still to this day I get shit for it, but out of the hundreds of films I have screened this is the film they speak about most...not in a good way, but they still talk about it. I simply have said that is what this film was supposed to do. Boom. "Tub, my buddy." You will understand that last quote after viewing the film.

 
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There are twelve reasons to love this film: Ape, Decapitator, Axe, Solider, Biker, Mohawk, Archer, Hangman, Juice, Samurai, Slasher, and Doc. That is all.

 
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I love the Apocalypse genre and I love Raiders Of Atlantis. My good VHS buddy (@VivaVHS) from across the sea loosely recommended this film to me. This film starts out a little slow but it gets so good in a matter of minutes. The best way to sum this film up is that The Road Warrior meets crack...a lot of crack. I recommend this film to anybody that is a fan of Italian Exploitation/Trash/Apocalyptic films and anyone that loves bad dubbing. I could get into the whole thing of why these things are dubbed the way they are but I don't want to get into that. This film is bigger than it's budget but worth it all the way.

 
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It is hard to say this is even close to being "bad" but this falls in line with everything else. This film is very close to hitting my top 100 of all-time. Mark Dacascos, Kadeem Hardison, and Brittany Murphy star in the kick-ass action fest with some of the best choreography I've ever witnessed. The fight scenes and stunts in this film look and feel so real, by that I mean it looks like they are really going at it and not holding back on hitting each other. Every time I view this film my eyes are focused entirely on the fight choreography and it gets better every viewing.

 
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Ray Parker Jr. Ray Parker Jr. Ray Parker Jr. Ray Parker Jr. Ray Parker Jr. Ray Parker Jr. Ray Parker Jr. Ray Parker Jr. Ray Parker Jr. Ray Parker Jr. Ray Parker Jr. Ray Parker Jr. Ray Parker Jr. Ray Parker Jr. Ray Parker Jr.
Enemy Territory is excellent. A man gets trapped in a apartment complex with a gang inside trying to kill him and they are called...The Vampires. No, this isn't a horror film but it does have many horror qualities but it is completely an action film. After you view it and you want to speak about the horror aspect I would be more than happy to but as of now I don't want to give anything away. 

 
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I first heard about this film through my good buddy @VHSistheTruth and he couldn't prepare me for what I watched. I can't even prepare you and I'm not even going to attempt it. I'll start by saying that this film is speifically for "bad" movie lovers only. The only people that I know that LOVE this film are people like me and live for films like this one. Science Crazed was probably filmed on a ten dollar budget on a weekend at the filmmakers apartment complex. I love this film dearly and there is nothing else like it. Nothing.

 
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I'll let Bone Crusher take this one...

 
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Rock 'N' Roll and horror films go together so well. This is the second Rock 'N' Roll horror film on my list and it is better than Blood Tracks. I really don't want to give anything away with this film but I can tell you this is loved by thousands. Killer OST, bad acting, terrible special effects, and the best hero character a screenwriter can fathom. Best. Movie. Ever. Also, the best ending as well.

 
 
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Burial Ground is a film that will fuck you in the most uncomfortable position possible. I tell everyone that likes zombie films about this one, because it is one of the first zombie films I saw as a child. I went on a zombie kick (don't we all) after seeing Dawn Of The Dead when I was younger and I purchased every zombie film I could find. I was zombified. I viewed titles like Messiah Of Evil, Gates Of Hell, City Of The Living Dead, Oasis Of The Zombies, Zombi 2,3,4, and 5, Zombi, The Dead Hate The Living, Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things, and many others. None of those films even compared to Burial Ground. Probably the weirdest story, along with an incestual child and some of the worst zombie makeup you will ever see. Don't let that detour you from watching this film though because you will make a mistake. If I don't have you hooked yet? How about this: Tit Eating...not the type of bird either.
 
 
 
 
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"Garbage Day!" and "HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Those two things pretty much sum up this movie. In all actuality the sequel itself (not including flashbacks) is only 30 minutes or so, mostly all the footage in the first film is replayed over again. This film is a blast with a crowd because you really don't need to pay attention that often and it really doesn't get serious till the end. However, when Ricky has his "breakdown", it is probably the greatest moment in the 80's.

 
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Howling III is...um...ugh. The Howling III is a... The Howling III is better than the seq...fuck it, just watch the bad ass trailer.

 
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People often ask me "why do you collect VHS?" I answer in the calmest and most un-elitist way possible "you don't know anything do you?" If I didn't collect VHS and watch shitty films I'm not sure I would be who I am today and have the relationships with others as I do now. @ReelDistraction, @BTSjunkie, @VivaVHS, VHSistheTruth, @bobfreelander, @noahphex and many others feel the same way I do about these films and the format itself. Robot Ninja is a film that will probably never see Blu-ray or DVD and will be lost along with many others in years to come. Hopefully with me and the people mentioned above we can keep these films alive and spread the word and films to others like us. Robot Ninja is a wonderful awesomely "bad" film. What do people like more that robots and cyborgs? Ninjas. Boom! You now have both in one movie. Robot Ninja is a story of a comic book artist that is turned into a superhero that he created in order go after a gang of rapists and bad dudes. You might be thinking it is a side story of Lord Zedd from The Power Rangers by the cover but you are wrong and it is better than that. Did I mention the kick-ass theme song?

 
 
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Let me start by saying Slumber Party Massacre is one of my favorite slashers of all-time. Slumber Party Massacre 2 however, is one of my favorite awesomely "bad" films of all-time. The series itself is fantastic and should be watched by all. Slumber Party Massacre 2 stands out simply because it is so freaking bizarre. The killer has a drill on the end of his guitar...how is that not the best idea ever. The fact that these films are directed by women (nothing wrong with that) baffles me as well but I guess that is what these films needed, a woman's touch. Slumber Party Massacre 2 is full of music, dance numbers, the best dialogue, amazing dream sequences, and one of my favorite characters...T.J. Just listening to T.J.'s ideas and one-liners is the movie itself. A while ago I hosted a Movie Night and I screened the first film and I didn't screen the second because I was afraid my friends would never come over again. I was wrong. They loved it and laughed their asses off and I can promise you will do the same. 

 
 
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Psycho Cop is pure solid gold. This film is the outline for awesomely "bad" movies and one of my favorites. The film itself is loaded with bad acting and probably the best one-liners ever in the history of cinema. First of all, this film feels like it is written and directed by children that were obsessed with Maniac Cop but didn't have a budget to make a replica. The actor that plays Psycho Cop aka Joe Vickers is Robert Shafer. If you watch The Office you will recognize him as Bob Vance from Vance Refrigeration. He is even more hilarious in this and I'm very surprised this film isn't bigger and more popular that it is because this is what we live for. "You have the right to remain...dead!" Yes, that is one of the lines from the film along with many others. 

 
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I like to recommend this film to everyone after discussing "bad" films. I viewed this film recently and I was completely worn out by it. Not in a good way. This film steals scenes from Alien about every 10 minutes and the story changes a total of 3 times. 3. I still don't understand it and it makes me yawn constantly. I know I'm not really talking you into watching it but trust me with the right crowd this film can be amazing. Whatever you conjure up in your head what the "alien" or the story is going to be I can simply tell you, you will be wrong. Also the "alien" in this poster has to be from something else because if the "alien" looked like this...I must of missed something.

 
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When I was 15 and just started during my summer break, I bought box lots of VHS off of eBay for very low prices. I must of gotten over 500 VHS tapes that summer and still to this day it was the best summer I've ever had. I viewed so many films and ate so many Bagel Bites and Pizza Rolls that could make anyone sick. During that summer I stumbled across this masterpiece. The Pit. I still can not get over this film to this day and I know others love it as well. It is hard saying that these films are "bad" because they mean so much to us film geeks they might as well rank up there with Casablanca or The Godfather. The film itself is a little on the slow side but it is extremely sinister in many ways. I still can't get over that this film had the content that it did and actually got released.  There is so much to be told by simply looking at the poster and wondering what the hell is this film about. Go into the film not knowing anything and make sure the kids are in bed.

 
 
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I love Swedish horror flicks. I love old Swedish horror even more. Blood Tracks is widely disliked and still to this day I'm not sure why. It is simply The Hills Have Eyes in the snow and with killer...I mean killer fucking music. I had to post one of the songs at the bottom for you to view so you can get pumped up. Blood Tracks is simply a metal band gets stuck in the snow with cannibals on the loose and "terror on the slopes" begin. I have the clamshell VHS of this and I will never give it up and I'll watch it when I'm down. 

 
 
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One of the best Sex Comedies of All-Time! Others might disagree but to me that is was so much fun. I think about my first viewing of this film earlier this year and still cannot  get enough. There are so many great moments and dance numbers it will give you goosebumps. Just watch the link below if you want to get a taste of what this flick is like and make your own decision to watch it. Trust me, it will not disappoint. 

 
 
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What happens when you want to make an action film with Chuck Norris, Steve McQueen, and Patrick Swayze but none of them want to do it? You hire their family members! Death Ring is simply a rendition of The Most Dangerous Game story but with amazing acting and a gripping story...ah...wait...I was thinking of the old film from the 30's. Did I mention Billy Drago was in this? Billy "The Man" Drago! If you love corny action films Death Ring is for you and is even better if you watch it with a crowd. In all seriousness you are not even reading this because you keep on glancing over at the poster. Ill just stop right now and tell you it is better than the poster.

 
 
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I remember when I was little on Thursday on the USA channel 32 they would play a horror film in the afternoon a few hours before Joe Bob Briggs "Monster Vision" would air. I would watch USA religiously because they would play films like this. When I first saw this creepy crawler flick I was hooked immediately. This is one of those films that is extremely serious when we are little but when we grow up we wonder why we were so fascinated by these films. Even though we make fun of the people that like movies like Twilight or whatever new chick flick it out there, we might want to remind ourselves of flicks like these. If word got out we are obsessed with films like Kingdom Of Spiders or Ticks...hell even Skeeter! We actually might loose our reputation and people might not listen to us! Bottom line these films are fun and what we live for. Ticks has the suspense, the cheese, the Seth Green, and awesome (terrible) special effects. One of the better Bug Invasion films that never gets old. 
 

4 comments:

SteveQ said...

I was trying to make my own list of favorites and couldn't believe how many I'd seen. I posted the list of 55 starting with the letter A - only 4 making the first cut: http://stevequick.blogspot.com/2012/07/bad-movie-compendium-as-only.html

Maybe another try at a movie blog is in the offing for me.

Doug Tilley said...

Hell yeah, Robot Ninja. Would love to see Bookwalter be able to get that onto DVD. Until then, the whole thing is available on youtube if you do some minor searching. Moe and I were so enamored with it, we devoted a whole podcast to the thing. Just a fun, prescient film.

Aaron said...

This is an amazing list. I agree with the ones there that I've seen, and need to track down the ones I haven't.

Rupert Pupkin said...

Yeah it's really quite the epic list of "bad" stuff indeed. Love a lot of these, and several I need to see!