Rupert Pupkin Speaks: "Bad" Movies We Love Guest Post: Death Rattle Aaron ""

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

"Bad" Movies We Love Guest Post: Death Rattle Aaron

Aaron over at The Death Rattle  & The Gentlemen's Blog to Midnite Cinema is the proprietor of today's list. Good stuff!

 SLEDGEHAMMER (1983) This David A. Prior-directed SOV slasher is legitimately bad in almost every way, from the acting to the apparent lack of direction to the ridiculous amount of padding (there's like an eight minute long slow-motion scene of two people walking through a field) to the nonsensical presentation of the killer, but where else will you see a seven foot-tall phantom lumberjack in a dollar-store Halloween mask bashing skulls with a sledgehammer? Not just that, but instead of the traditional slasher movie "Final Girl", we get a shirtless musclehead in cut-off jean shorts played by Christian Bale lookalike Ted Prior. SLEDGEHAMMER is one of those magical films with an amount of ineptness that, for better or worse, simply can't be duplicated no matter how hard anyone tries. So bad it's good? Not quite, but it's something to behold. 

SLUGS: THE MOVIE (1988) I wanted to include PIECES on this list, but that would have been to obvious, so I went with another film directed by the late J.P. Simon which is just as deserving of a spot: SLUGS: THE MOVIE. It's just as bad as you'd think it is, and I know it's hard to picture people not being able to evade killer slugs (not giant slugs mind you, but simple regular-sized slugs), but somehow J.P. Simon and the actors involved make it somewhat believable. While Simon's PIECES gets all the love in the "so bad it's good" department, SLUGS is, in my opinion, just as entertaining and the Nature Run Amok equivalent to PIECES. It reeks of 80's, and while I'm not an enthusiast of the Killer Animal sub-genre, I love SLUGS and enjoy it immensely. 

HEAD OF THE FAMILY (1996) In my opinion, one of the better films from the extensive Full Moon catalog, and by "better" I mean "doesn't suck". Honestly, I find HEAD OF THE FAMILY to be genuinely funny, and it makes up for its lack of budget and resources with a lot of heart and plenty of nudity from the likes of Alexandria Quinn and Skinemax favorite Jacqueline Lovell. When we're dealing with a movie in which one of the lead character is basically a giant head with tiny extremities protruding from its infant-like torso who keeps brainwashed slaves in his dungeon and aspires to perform "experiments" of some sort, all we can really except from it is to be fun, and luckily this particular film is just that. 

BLOODRAYNE: THE THIRD REICH (2010) I tried to get obscure with this list and talk about some underseen films, but BLOODRAYNE: THE THIRD RICH - the third installment of Uwe Boll's BLOODRAYNE series - is one that I just had to include. Boll is a director who most people typically associate with bad films, and yeah he's not a director who's gonna win prestigious awards any time soon, but he's a director who I respect more and more with every film of his that I see, because he's one of the closest thing we have today to a modern-day exploitation filmmaker, and I can only imagine the types of films he would have cranked out back in the day if he had been making movies in the 70's and 80's. As for this film, it's just a little over an hour long, it features a dream sequence where Hitler is a vampire, there's lots of gratuitous nudity thanks to sexy-ass Natassia Malthe, and Michael Pare plays an officer in the SS. Also, torture, Clint Howard playing a mad scientist, and more nudity. 

ROCKTOBER BLOOD (1984) Before the husband and wife team of Beverly and Ferd Sebastian (no, I didn't mispell that; it's "Ferd") found Jesus and turned their backs on exploitation filmmaking, they made this gem of a Heavy Metal Horror movie about the female vocalist of a rock band who's stalked by the vengeful brother of the man she had imprisoned and subsequently executed years prior (who, it should also be said, was the former vocalist of the band she now fronts), although contradicting synopses for the film state that the singer actually comes back from the dead and avenges himself. While watching the movie, either synopsis works, because at one point you do kinda see him come back from the dead, and then later on in the film he looks just like some normal dude who's living and breathing like everyone else. In ROCKTOBER BLOOD, we get some embarassingly bad gore effects and piss-poor acting from pretty much everyone involved, but there's a certain charm to this obscure 80's slasher that makes it utterly watchable, not to mention the rocktastic soundtrack courtesy of the band Sorcery. I actually ordered Sorcery's live album from their website because it had songs from the movie on it, and I got a bonus autograph from the drummer. Be jealous. 

SCHOOLGIRLS IN CHAINS (1973) In the case of this odd exploitation movie, SCHOOLGIRLS IN CHAINS is a book that you can definitely judge by its cover, but if one were to actually flip through the pages, they'd find an interesting psychological horror film that shows the unfortunate repercussions of bad parenting. In the film, two brothers (one of whom is a little "slow") abduct young women and torture them while obeying the commands of their mysterious "Mommy" who lives upstairs. The film looks cheaper than its forty eight thousand dollar budget and features one of the most bizarre musical scores I've ever heard, and generally speaking it's certainly a "bad" film, but I love it because of its downbeat nature, general weirdness, and predictable but effective plot twist. 

MYSTICS IN BALI (1981) Not so much a bad film as it is a WTF film with way more ambition than budget. The lead actress was a German tourist in Indonesia who was spotted by the film's producer and immediately cast in the film, and her performance is reflective of that of a German tourist with no acting experience whatsoever. It could be argued that MYSTICS IN BALI is indeed good, but my problem with it is that it's quite boring and meandering, but when it's not boring and meandering, it's one of the most insane supernatural horror films I've ever seen. A woman turns into a pig monster, and her head also detaches from her body and flies around with the dangling entrails still attached, as well as a witch who sounds like the vocalist of a Black Metal band.

POOTIE TANG (2001) Yeah, I said it. POOTIE TANG. Don't like it? Footie Tai! It's not often that I walk out of a movie because of how bored I am, but POOTIE TANG was one of the rare examples of this. I didn't find the humor in it; aside from a few gags that made me chuckle, I was just incredibly bored while watching it. But then came the chance revisits on DVD and television, and it didn't take many more viewings before I fell in love with this bizarre movie about a black superhero/sex symbol who speaks his own language and makes hit records comprised of orgasm-inducing silence. This is without a shadow of a doubt the best thing that Louis C.K. has ever been involved in.

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