Rupert Pupkin Speaks: "Bad" Movies We Love Guest Post: Kevin Clarke ""

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

"Bad" Movies We Love Guest Post: Kevin Clarke

Scarecrow Video week continues!! Kevin works at Scarecrow and I always enjoy hearing him on the Scarecrow podcast.
Follow him on twitter @KevlarC. He also has a tumblr you should check out:

I'm a guy who works at Scarecrow Video and loves HOWARD THE DUCK and the POLICE ACADEMY movies, despite knowing better. On my time away from Scarecrow I'm one half of the almost award-winning comedy group/film-making team The Entertainment Show ( We've made a feature length post-apocalyptic sci-fi/fantasy comedy, STEEL OF FIRE WARRIORS 2010 A.D. and an epic six episode "TV" series, ADVENTURE BUDDIES, both of which can be seen in (most of) their entirety at

Get past the terrible acting, bottom of the barrel production values and the shot on video aesthetic, and you have a pretty awesome and actually kind of subversive '80s splatter film, I mean video. It presents one of those weird towns found in about every other Steven King short story, where something is just a little off, and the only "normal" people are the newly transplanted owners of the video store.  Why do all the townsfolk only rent horror movies? And how come people who wander through this town keep disappearing?
Bonus! VIDEO VIOLENCE 2 is (sincerely) one of the best sequels I've seen, building on the foundation of the first movie, with an ingenious premise that actually serves the shot on video look as opposed to fighting it and trying to look like a "real" movie.

"I just shot the Arch-bishop in the head! What do we do?"--Idi Amin AMIN: THE RISE AND FALL The exploitation flip-side to LAST KING OF  SCOTLAND and Barbet Schroeder's documentary GENERAL IDI AMIN DADA. This movie tells the REAL story of Idi Amin; one of machine-guns, naked ladies, yelling, severed heads in the freezer, and Amin eating strips of skin off his dead friend's corpse!

Like being inside the brain of an amphetamine junkie. This movie isn't so much creepy because of what happens in it (which is definitely gross and creepy), but because of the whole grimy and dirty quality of the film. Its certainly not a good movie, but it captures a certain feeling of dread and uneasiness (intentionally or not), making it one of the most nightmarish horror movies I've seen.

AMERICA 3000 (1986)
Here's a great post-apocalyptic political/social satire becoming a bad movie by being sabotaged by a completely unnecessary and clumsy voice-over narration. It does however feature all the crazy shit from its brilliant cover art in the movie, including the "Bigfoot" with a boombox!

Of all the dumb things going on in this incredibly dumb (Read: AWESOME!) post-apocalyptic movie about roller skating half-naked ladies with katanas, the dumbest (See: BEST!) part is that there's an evil character who seems to be a little monster for most of the movie, but then it turns out he's a puppet (!), but then it turns out he's actually real (!?), who explodes on a rocket cycle, so we'll never know. And the entire climax seems to have been shot in my high-school's black box theater. Followed up by the far less awesome (but more awesomely titled) ROLLERBLADE WARRIORS.

Cuba Gooding Jr. and Helen Mirren are hit-men who are also lovers. So, there's quite a few Gooding Jr. on Mirren scenes. Steven Dorff (playing himself?) is the bad guy, and at one point you see his be-condomed wang. Joseph Goron-Levitt shares a bed with crack smoking Monique. Flashbacks are heavily involved. Also, sex scenes in what appears to be the forest from LEGEND. It's all very "classily" produced by PRECIOUS director Lee Daniels, making it all the more bat-shit crazy, and who apparently insisted on an actual zebra being in that one scene where there's briefly a zebra in the scene.

D.O.A.: DEAD OR ALIVE (2006)
This movie is totally terrible and I hate pretty much everything it does, all the time, but it's all about super pretty girls in bikinis fighting each other, and Eric Roberts is the bad guy, and he has super-sunglasses that make him great at karate…I'm not made of stone! If you were to look up Guilty Pleasure in the dictionary (I guess a dictionary published by me?), there would be a picture of this movie next to it.
Also, it's based on some video game, and any time video game guys get mad about their preciouses being turned into shitty movies makes me happy!

This movie is a masterpiece, one of my favorite horror movies of all time in fact, but the inexcusable 5.2 rating on IMDb seems to say otherwise. The Dennis Hopper vs. Leatherface chainsaw fight alone is worth a 10 star review! A great follow up to the original, mostly because it eschews the gritty documentary aesthetic of that film in favor of walking a very fine line between horror and comedy, and features some of the most over-the-top performances and set design ever seen. It's as loud and big as every movie with TEXAS in the title should be!

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