Michael
Nazarewycz is a US-based Writer for UK-based Filmoria.
He is also a contributor to LikeTotally80s
and CinemaSentries, and he blogs
about classic film at ScribeHard On Film. He can be reached via
Twitter @ScribeHard.
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BAD MOVIES I
LOVE
We've all been
to restaurants where the food was bad but the waitress was great. We've all had a job where the boss was a
monster but the work was rewarding.
We've all had a lover who was grating in public but great in … well,
let's just say great in the kitchen.
Call it finding
a silver lining in a cloud, or making lemonade from lemons, or Ac-Cent-Tchu-At-Ing
the positive; whatever it is, it is evidence that we are inclined to find some
kind of good in any mostly-negative situation.
We know many things in life are bad, so we instinctively want to find
anything good in a bad thing. Why should
our approach to movies be any different?
Why shouldn't we look at something that is, on the whole, less than optimal,
and find in it something positive for us?
The answer is we
should, and most of us do.
And what makes
loving a bad movie for its bright spots better than loving a bad restaurant for
its great waitress or a bad boss for their rewarding work or a bad lover for
their delicious … omelets … is that without the bright spot, a bad movie cannot
hurt us. Take away the waitress, the
work, and the eggs, and all you have is pain.
Take away the bright spot, and all you have is a movie. And there's never anything wrong with having
a movie, no matter how bad it is.
The premise of
this film is relatively straightforward.
It's a gangster movie. How hard
is that? Oh, except the gangsters are
children. Really. In fact, everyone in this movie – from the goons
to the gun molls to the flappers to the cops – is a child. No kidding.
But don't worry. The
McSpeakeasies sell no liquor, the cars are operated by pedal-power, and the
weapons? Guns that shoot custard; kind
of like throwing a pie in someone face, but instead of throwing it, they shoot
it. Honest. Could it get any better than that? Of course it could! It's a musical! This is the first movie I remember watching
in heavy rotation via a fledgling entertainment delivery mechanism they called
"cable," on a fledgling movie-centric channel they called
"HBO." Yet for as ridiculous
as it is, with its pre-Happy Days Scott Baio and its
pre-superstardom Jodie Foster, I loved it from the first frame and I have loved
it ever since.
It's easy to
look back at the Golden Age of Hollywood and romanticize that all of the movies
made back then were good, because so much of what is fed to us today, whether via
TCM or Blu-ray releases or rep house screenings, is only the good stuff. But don't be fooled! For every CITIZEN KANE there were dozens of
clunkers that the studios churned out in an effort to satisfy the increasing
demand for product. A pair of those makes
my list because, while they might be bad movies, what's good about them is
GREAT. Sun Valley Serenade and Orchestra
Wives are two films that star Glenn Miller and His Orchestra. You read that right. The films don't just feature the band's
music, the band is actually the centerpiece of both films – and they should stick
to playing music, not playing pretend.
As for the plots, they really don't matter because, like porn, the only
purpose the plots serve is to advance us from good part to part. In this case, the good parts are when the
orchestra showcases its greatest hits across the two films, and every
performance is glorious. And, as an
added treat, the famed Nicholas Brothers, along with Dorothy Dandridge, make
delightful special appearances.
A gun for hire
is … well, hired … to save his old girlfriend from the clutches of an evil
no-goodnik. This film has several things
wrong with it. Mainly, it tries to be a
four-color comic book but it's not colorful enough for that, and it tries to be
a film noir yet it's too colorful for that.
Also, underachiever Michael Paré is the star; Willem Dafoe is great as
the villain, but he isn't in the movie enough; Rick Moranis tries to play
tough; Amy Madigan is actually tougher than Rick Moranis (and so is Elizabeth
Daily, for that matter); and the final confrontation between Paré and Dafoe is
a snoozer. But the film has three things
that redeem it. The score is by Ry
Cooder, the soundtrack features a lot of catchy numbers, including Dan
Hartman's hit "I Can Dream About You," and, most importantly, it
stars Diane Lane. Like most teen boys in
the 1980s, I fell for a lot of pretty stars, but not as hard as I fell for
Diane Lane. She plays the lead singer of
Ellen Aim and the Attackers. She is also
Paré's kidnapped ex who happens to be involved with Moranis (another
head-scratcher). She doesn't sing her
own songs, but she doesn't have to. All
she has to do is throw that hair around (which she does), keep those lips
painted red (which she does), and sell it to the microphone stand (which she
does, and then some).
I suddenly
realize there is a music-based theme to this list. Light of Day tells the tale of a
small-town band fronted by siblings trying to make it to the big time while
being judged by each other and their overbearing mother. Oasis: The Movie? Not quite.
For starters, the band's name is The Barbusters, which already handicaps
their chances of success. The siblings
are played by Joan Jett and Michael J. Fox, and this turns out to be the
problem with the film. While Jett can
rock with the best of them, she also has to act, which she really can't
do. And while Fox can act with the best
of them, he also has to rock, which he really can't do. And yet.
The music really does make the movie, especially the title track, which
was written by some fella by the name of Bruce Springsteen. Also helping the film is the casting of
Michael McKean as a member of said Barbusters.
Oh, and be on the lookout for a young Trent Reznor in the band The
Problems.
As a fan of
films from Hollywood's Golden Age, I'm always curious when an attempt is made
to modernize a classic. In the hands of
a skilled screenwriter/director like Nora Ephron, a movie like You've
Got Mail works incredibly well as a modern interpretation of The
Shop Around the Corner. In the
hands of … hmmm … "lesser" … uhhhh … "talent" like
screenwriters Chuck Pfarrer and Ilene Chaiken, and director David Hogan, well,
an attempt to modernize a just any old classic will come under scrutiny, but an
attempt to modernize one of the greatest films ever made, Casablanca, will be
impossible to pull off. I give you
Exhibit A: Barb Wire. This film is
more than just a modernization of the classic Humphrey Bogart film, it's a
post-apocalyptic version, with Baywatch babe Pamela Anderson in the
Bogie role (!), but running a strip club instead of a gin joint. The comparisons only devolve from there. And yet.
Okay. I’ll say it. It's Pamela Anderson. In saucy outfits. And in a bubble-bath. Don’t judge me.
What goes great
with ass-kicking? Awesome hair, that's
what! One cheesy Patrick Swayze movie,
coming up! In this totally pointless yet
insanely quotable ("Pain don't hurt.") action-ish flick, Swayze play
a Cooler, which is like the middle-management of the bouncer industry. He is hired to middle-manage bouncers into
cleaning up the clientele of a dive bar that has aspirations to be not as dive-y
as it currently is. He does this with
the help of his bromance life-partner (before such a term even existed), the
Michael Jordan of Coolers, played by Sam Elliott. Heap on healthy doses of so-called
philosophy, and I cannot NOT watch, even if I stumble upon it with five minutes
remaining and in its most edited, basic cable rendition.
And now it's
time to bring both the music-based theme – and my list – to a close. In the 1980s, Kenny Loggins was considered
the king of the movie soundtrack, charting hit records from the films Caddyshack;
Footloose;
Rocky
IV; Top Gun; Over the Top; and Caddyshack
II. But all of that work on all
of those movies couldn't match the greatness of one soundtrack from one movie
by one purple master, Prince. And thank God
for that, because when Jerome is the best actor of your cast (and really, all
he does is dance around and hold mirrors for Morris Day), you know your movie –
about a musician trying to make it to the big time – is in trouble. But the music is more than irresistible; it’s
undeniable, with all nine songs worthy of a greatest hits collection, let alone
a single soundtrack album. From the
opening blasts of "Let's Go Crazy" to the closing anthem of the title
track, His Purple Badness doesn't let his art suffer at the hands of his folly.
6 comments:
Finally, a perfect chance for me to tell this story: I was on an elevator and two women got in and one of them was Jodie Foster. I wanted to meet her, but I also knew it was awkward... so I said, "I loved you in 'Bugsy Malone. Have you done anything since then?" Silence for a second, then, getting the joke, she said, "Couple things." Me: "Anything I might have seen?" "Probably not." "Well, you should stick with acting. I think you're going to make it." Then I got off the elevator.
Steve, that's about the most awesome interaction of that kind I think i've ever heard of!
SteveQ! That is amazing! I bet she liked that a lot more than the normal fan conversation.
Michael, Great list! I too have the Diane Lane flame.
Love Purple Rain... plus Morris Day and the Time!! But Purple Rain a "bad" movie? nah, 74% at RT.
Hi! Great site! I'm trying to find an email address to contact you on to ask if you would please consider adding a link to my website. I'd really appreciate if you could email me back.
Thanks and have a great day!
Madison- you can follow me on twitter and I can contact you directly there.
What is your site?
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