Rupert Pupkin Speaks: "Bad" Movies We Love Guest Post: Shane Migliavacca ""

Sunday, July 1, 2012

"Bad" Movies We Love Guest Post: Shane Migliavacca

 Shane writes the wonderful Cathode Ray Mission blog(, which I highly recommend. Also occasionally writes for the Retroist.
All of the films listed here I dearly love, for their flaws and the joy they bring me every time I watch them. All these movies should come with a warning from the Surgeon General: They will melt your brain.
10) Dracula vs. Frankenstein (1971)
See Dracula burn dirty hippies with his magic ring! Witness Frankenstein's monster look constipated! Marvel as Russ Tamblyn acts tough! Growing up, I remember seeing the listing for this sucker in the TV Guide. Sadly it was on at one in the morning (This was preVCR) and I feel asleep way before it came on. The next day my parents told me I'd missed nothing. "Just a lot of scenes of some girl running in the woods." They told me. "Nothing really happens." Years later I came across the DVD and bought it on the spot. Boy where they right!

9) The Hills Have Eyes Part II (1985)
A DOG HAS A FLASHBACK TO THE FIRST MOVIE. That's right, just like I said. A DOG HAS A FRIGGING FLASHBACK! In Europe the film is called: The Hills Have Eyes Part II Wes Craven needs cash fast.

8) Amityville 3-D (1983)
Ever ask yourself "Boy, what if they made a 3-D movie where somebody was menaced by a bathroom wall?" Well this film is for you my friend.  

7) The Swarm (1978)
The most star studded of the films here. Michael Caine! Olivia de Havilland! Henry Fonda! I guess they needed to pay some bills, I hope. Want to have fun watching The Swarm? Here's a little drinking game for you. Every time Caine gets the "Damn I'm good look" or there's a helicopter, drink. You'll be tanked a half hour in. 

6) The Dark (1979)
A film that doesn't know what kind of monster it wants. It started out as a burnt crazy guy, then a zombie  that likes to rip people's heads off, no wait know it's an alien that shoots lasers. The whole alien thing is so tacked on you can almost see them adding the laser beams in post. The first victim of  the monster is none other then Paris Hilton's mom.
5) Don't Go Near the Park (1981)
With a title like that you'd think slasher...well sort. The story concerns two evil cave people who have been cursed to eat the guts of young people to regain their youth. Linnea Quigley shows up, gets naked of course and then disappears. The climax is a real hoot with lasers and zombies galore.

4) Horror of the Humongous Hungry Hungan (1991)
That title just roles off the tongue. A zombie escapes a lab. Some kids have a party with the greatest band ever playing (Cry Wolf!) and a really bad (Awesome!) Pee Wee Herman shows up. Some of the kids go camping and escaped zombie shows up, hilarity ensues.  

3) The Last Slumber Party (1988)
 School's out for summer and my future wife Chris wants to party with her friends, A slumber party goes down. Horrible wallpaper is seen. Munchies and booze are consumed. People die and heavy metal is blared. 

2) Howling II: ... Your Sister Is a Werewolf (1985) 
What you need to know is Christopher Lee wears perhaps the worst sunglasses ever in the movie. If that wasn't enough, there's Sybil Danning repeatedly during the end credits. Still not enough, okay Reb Brown throws a midget out a window. 
1) A Night to Dismember (1983)
The story goes that a disgruntled lab tech destroyed half of the film's negatives. Directer Doris Wishman was forced to take what still remained and combine it with newly filmed bits. The resulting picture is an assault on the viewers senses and sanity.

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