Rupert Pupkin Speaks: "Bad" Movies We Love Guest Post: Steve Scarlata ""

Thursday, July 19, 2012

"Bad" Movies We Love Guest Post: Steve Scarlata

 Today's list is from my buddy ,who has quite a knack for recommending all manner of lovely cinema. Steve is a fella who really really knows his "bad" movies. He has a framed poster of UP FROM THE DEPTHS at his house if that says anything. The dude has invested a lot of time and energy in digging up gems and has turned me on to many. Trust him! Also, follow him on twitter @xNECKx.


Revolt -  1986
Director J. Sheybani has an unorthodox style of filmmaking. This film starts like scare film on drugs complete with an amazing drone-like narration, then it kicks in with mustaches, revenge and fight choreography by Gary Busy.   If you had a pickaxe and mined this film, you’d find 200% pure bad movie gold.  On your first viewing you get a high, that bad movie high that you know your watching a true classic.

Ninja Terminator - 1985
Black, Red and Camouflage ninjas fight for control over a golden ninja statue that has the ability to turn its possessor into the Ninja Supreme.  Director Godfry Ho once again shows us why he maybe one of the greatest filmmakers of our time.

Real Men - 1987
From the writer of The Golden Child.  James Belushi and John Ritter are on a mission to save all of mankind.  They must deliver a cup of water to aliens in exchange for The Big Gun, a gun so big it can destroy the world.  If you like the strangeness of the Golden Child you might just dig this.

Plankton - 1994
a.k.a Creatures From The Abyss

Five teenagers get lost at sea and find what seams to be an abandoned yacht.  Unfortunately for them they are not alone. Strange mutated fish are on board, not in the water but on the boat.  The good thing is that the lead actress runs around the whole entire movie in a bikini. It’s kinda hot.

Airborne - 1998
 Steve Guttenburg heads a black ops team called "Mach 1" who is called in to retrieve a canister of a deadly viral agent.  One again, Steve Guttenburg heads a black ops team called "Mach 1" who is called in to retrieve a canister of a deadly viral agent.  This is one bad movie.  It’s got that bad guy from The Chronicles of Riddick in it, that guy that looks like Michael Gross from Family Ties.  Steve Guttenburg has a scar on his face.

Hamburger the Motion Picture - 1986
 This movie is about Hamburger College.

No Retreat No Surrender 3: Blood Brothers - 1990
A perfect Saturday morning watch.  Great over the top performances and Street Fighter 2 Hyper Edition fight scenes.  It has Loren Avedon from King of the Kickboxers in it.  As you’ve never seen him before, kicking ass and acting bad.  Loren teams up with Keith Vitali, the evil fight promoter from Superfights to avenge the death of their father.  They have chemistry I haven’t seen since the likes of Ted Danson and Howie Mandel teaming up.  Mindless early 90’s action that strangely hooks you in and doesn’t let you go.

Double Team - 1997
 I read somewhere that director Tsui Hark took an extra dose of crazy pills before every shoot.  Van Damme works out with a bathtub.  Micky Rourke breaks a lot of glass. Dennis Rodman is arms dealer.  The final boss battle is brilliant.  Mickey Rourke faces off against Van Damme in an abandoned ancient coliseum filled with land mines and a tiger.  During the fight a foot triggers the land mines as a chain reaction rips through the amphitheater Van Damn and Rodman are luckily able to shield themselves from the blast by sheltering behind a Coke Machine.

The Devil's Sword - 1984
It’s kind of an Indonesian version of Lucio Fulci’s Conquest, on crack. Or more like that super crack that made those hookers explode in Frankenhooker.  Imagine that huge rock of crack, then give it a pen and sit back.  It would write Devil’s Sword.  A beautiful film.

Tough and Deadly - 1995
Imagine the Bourne Identity with Billy Blanks and Roddy Piper.  Roddy Piper’s name is Elmo. Billy Blanks is a CIA agent with amnesia attempting to discover his true identity amidst working out montages with Roddy Piper.  This movie has like 50 fight scenes.  What makes this film so enjoyable is the chemistry between Blanks and Piper.

Knights of the City - 1986
A multi-cultural street gang enters a Purple Rain talent contest.  This movie stars and is written by Penitentiary’s Leon Issac Kenndey. He plays Troy, the gang’s leader and lead singer.  Troy preys around the film dressed like Michael Jackson from the Thriller video with psycho eyes.  He just locks on to chicks and just stares, doesn’t say a word, just keeps staring.  It makes you feel uncomfortable at times.  He doesn’t sweat in this movie because he used all his sweat up in the Penitentiary trilogy. That’s probably why he has those wide psycho eyes this whole movie.  Can’t get those eyeball wet enough to blink.

Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li - 2009
 Yeah, it’s bad. But I can’t resist it anytime it’s on.  A true tour-de-force.


deadlydolls said...

Street Fighter? The Chun-Li one? Color me shocked!

Ty said...

Great bad movie choices! Revolt, Airborne, and Knights Of The City are classics.

Rupert Pupkin said...

So much goodness here! HAMBURGER!!!