Rupert Pupkin Speaks: "Bad" Movies We Love Guest Post: Paracinema Magazine ""

Saturday, August 11, 2012

"Bad" Movies We Love Guest Post: Paracinema Magazine

Dylan and Christine run the wonderfully awesomely amazing PARACINEMA Magazine. You should subscribe now!


Written by Master P’s son “Romeo,” (and I’m using the word written VERY loosely) and co-directed by Master P, Internet Dating seems more like improv exercises than a movie. The saving grace is star Katt Williams, who is the only funny element. He seems to know just how terrible the movie is and has fun with it. So why is this movie on my list? The ineptitude of filmmaking is on a level where you can’t help but be entertained. Cartoonish sound effects, (sometimes) blurred out logos, obnoxious scene transitions/edits, random thought bubbles, the acting styles of Master P, major continuity issues, and the aforementioned star, make Internet Dating a movie I revisit a few times a year.

We were recently introduced to Fresh Kill (on VHS) by the Rewind This! crew. I must say that this viewing may have single handedly changed my mind about the resurgence of VHS. I’ve always looked at VHS as a lesser format, but one peek at this not-on-DVD gem made me a believer. This movie is crazy, period. If you’ve never seen a sequence in which a man rips open a plastic bag of coke launching the white powder airborne, in slow motion, then Fresh Kill is for you. Robert Z'Dar plays Manny, the head of a ruthless Mexican drug cartel, another thing you really need to witness. If you see this VHS somewhere, buy it immediately.

Before I Self Destruct (2009)
Written, directed and starring 50 Cent, the straight to video Before I Self Destruct also features, almost exclusively, 50’s (and friend’s) music. The acting is mostly bad, the writing is below par, but it manages to create a few moments of tension, and it looks great (as it was shot on the Red One camera). Compared to Internet Dating, it’s a masterpiece. Before I Self Destruct is a neo hood melodrama of the highest degree, a (very) distant relative to New Jack City. It makes me root for 50 Cent as a filmmaker, with some work (and a budget) I wouldn’t be shocked if he actually made a great film. However, I don’t think 50’s acting career looks very promising, he’s a mumbler. Although does go method in Before I Self Destruct and vomits on film, so that’s something.

I love this movie in the most un-ironic way possible. The effects are on point, and under-used character actor Kevin Gage is almost too good. Sure, there are unintentionally hilarious lines (“dead box”) and some questionable dialogue delivery, but as flawed as this film may be, it’s charmed me and I think it’s fun as hell.

John Allen Nelson should have been THE ‘80s heartthrob. Between this and Killer Klowns… I mean, come on! He portrays the titular “Hunk” and he really sells it. This may be cheesy ‘80s fair, but it’s awesome chessy ‘80s fair. Oh, and Deborah Shelton (Body Double!)!

It’s kind of like Mean Girls, only not at all. Some may say it isn’t as good. I just say it’s different. With a cast that includes William Katt, P.J. Soles, and Pam Grier, I feel like someone got the memo. This is a fun, goofy, semi-spoof on the high school heavy films of the ‘90s. It even has a band (The Donnas). Remember when there was a band in every teen movie? Letters to Cleo, Good Charlotte, The Donnas again…

Favorite Dean Cameron role? Yes. The release date is 1992, but this FEELS like an amazing, genie based ‘80s romp. Nudity and fantastical situations abound! They don’t make em like this anymore.


Alison said...

Love Jawbreaker! So quotable.

deadlydolls said...

How is it that I've never heard of half of these?!

George White said...

Miracle Beach, one of several teen genie sex comedies including Wish Me Luck with TV's Sinbad, Zen Gesner, Clone Wars' Yoda, Tom Kane, Avalon Anders - star of the interactive FMV Blue Chicago Blues and a pre-Real Housewives Bethenny Frankel.

George White said...

Internet Dating also features someone called Michael Blackson.