Rupert Pupkin Speaks: Underrated '87 - Steve Q. ""

Thursday, April 20, 2017

Underrated '87 - Steve Q.

Steve Q has reviewed more than 1000 bad films at and can be found on Twitter@Amy_Surplice.

I've seen more films from 1987 than from any other year (about 400). It was the year that everyone with a camcorder made a film, regardless of whether they had talent or even an idea. Even I made a film that year. At the bottom of the barrel, there were quite a few gems to be discovered.

Hard Ticket to Hawaii (1987; Andy Sidaris)
This is Andy Sidaris' masterpiece. A guy with a blow-up doll on a skateboard gets shot with a bazooka at point-blank range. There's a laughably fake giant snake, fed on radioactive cancer-ridden toxic rats. There's topless Playboy models (including Sidaris regulars Hope Marie Carlton and Donna Speir), a lot of explosions, agents who can't hit anything with gunfire and, if it matters, a bit of plot. This is the 1980's answer to "Faster Pussycat, Kill! Kill!"
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Alien Private Eye (1987; Vik Rubenfeld)
An alien on vacation on Earth just happens upon a crime that needs to be solved. If ever there was a time that an alien could walk the streets unnoticed, it was the 1980's. Wearing a fedora and a white zoot suit - and white gloves - he makes quite an entrance. The best scene in the film has an alien spitting acid and his henchman saying, "I know you only have space in your mouth for one acid tooth." There's an alien disc with some drug in it (I think; the plot's vague), the alien falls for an Earth girl, there's some bad fight scenes and some truly awesomely awful dialogue.
Miami Connection (1987; Richard Park)
A 1980's synth-pop band made up of tae kwon do masters fights coke-dealing bikers who just happen to be ninjas. This has terrible acting and direction, editing that cuts off words or just pauses for long periods, irritating music, and one role played by two different men hoping you won't notice (this, at least, is not as obvious as in Plan 9 From Outer Space). The fight choreography isn't bad, though people with swords stand in place, waiting to get kicked.
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Deathstalker II: Duel of the Titans (1987; Jim Wynorski)
This un-asked-for sequel to the campy and violent "Deathstalker" was given an even smaller budget and director Jim Wynorski decided to play it for laughs. Some people absolutely loathe the constant puns and fourth wall jokes ("When people write stories of our exploits, no one will believe we were this stupid!") but I loved it. It's the 1980's version of a Hope-Crosby road movie.
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Deadly Prey (1987; David A. Prior)
David A. Prior has directed a bunch of terrible films, many, like this one, starring his brother Ted. This is a remake of 1932's "Most Dangerous Game," which has been done countless times, with some "Rambo" thrown in. A team of mercenaries is being trained by hunting kidnapped civilians. Then they capture the wrong guy - he impales people on twigs (?!), never picks up a weapon (cut-off jeans and a mullet will serve), throws Styrofoam boulders and beats a man to death with his own arm.There are plot holes a mile wide; no one calls the police, or gets back up, or uses weapons at hand. The acting and direction are strikingly bad. Fortunately, it moves along briskly and has plenty of ludicrous moments, my favorite being the hiding in plain sight one.
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Honorable mention:  Computer Beach Party, Hollywood Cop, Creepozoids, Evil Spawn, The Barbarians, Dr. Bloodbath, I was a Teenage Zombie, Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare, Iron Warrior, Strike Commando, Splatter Farm, Cross of the Seven Jewels, Mutant Hunt.

1 comment:

SteveQ said...

I was surprised when I saw that there were not hits on my blog directed from here. It's because you didn't hyperlink when you typed the website address.

At least, I hope that's the case.